This year, excited to be in our new home, I've been able to decorate for Christmas a little.
However, given the extremely sad and horrifying events of this past Friday, I've had loss on the brain too. Obviously my main thought has been that I couldn't imagine going on without Junior, and how very badly I feel for the parents of those 20 babies that went to be with the Lord last week. But as I was reminded by a random person I met in Macy's immediately following the Aurora, Colorado shooting, loss is pretty much loss. Whether someone's lost their baby or their mother, grandfather, etc...it all hurts. And as I continue to try to keep bah-humbugs (long ago put to use as a defense mechanism...who am I kidding?) at bay, and continue to pull out the decorations and put traditions into play...I realize this will be my third Christmas without the someone whose loss has meant the most to me.
The things I do to be "Christmasy" were her things. Even as I write I am sipping the Friendship tea she made during the holidays--the super-yummy kind with Tang in it that tastes like Christmas in a cup. I just finished making the dough for the sour cream twist cookies she made by the gallon every year (largely because my dad and I consumed them in such large quantities that I don't know how we didn't get sick). My Christmas tree--my beautiful, brand-spanking new 7 1/2 foot tree that I adore (thank you very much, Wal-Mart!) is covered from tip to toe in ornaments that she made by hand, including the angel perched up top. These are the ornaments that are particularly attractive to both my son and my dog. There is, consequently, a lot of "NO!" and a lot of "uh-uh!" being delivered from the couch and recliner lately. At this point, the dog is listening better than the boy. The boy, however, will very delicately and very gingerly return the ornament to the tree when
Things have changed so much since she left. I became a good wife (I see no shame in voicing that out loud--it took practice!) a homeowner, but most of all, a mother. I think that would've surprised her the most, as I was so anti-child bearing while she was here that she once asked me, as a favor to her, to never have children. Ha. Guess I showed her. All I did was to have the sweetest, most beautiful little boy I could imagine. Somebody she would've shoved me out of the way to get to, to hold and snuggle and admire.
So much of who I am now she is responsible for, and it's this time of year, when I am even more surrounded by the things that just seemed to be her, that I am reminded of it, thankful for it, and so very sorry that she isn't here to see it.
Exhibit A: I sewed my own burlap tree skirt!
With any luck my boy will not destroy the ornaments on this tree of ours, because one day, I would love to see him guarding them on his own family's Christmas tree from the grubby little fingers of his own little ones, and explaining to them, as I do with him now, "Great-granny made these, so they're very, very special..."
Squeeze your loved ones with all your might this Christmas. Thank the Lord for the time you had with those who are already gone and shoo away the bah-humbugs at every turn. (Friendship tea helps!)
Friendship Tea Recipe:
1 Cup Instant Tea (unsweetened)
2 Cups Tang
1 Cup Lemonade Mix (Countrytime, etc)
1/2 tsp Ground Cloves
1 tsp Ground Cinnamon
Mix well. Add 2 tbsp to a mug of hot water and stir. Be sure to deeply inhale before drinking--the scent is half of the experience!
